Rules Rules...nothing but Rules

Last time...on the "Ruled and the ruleless" Jane defied the rules by asking John for a dance and later end up sliced in half accidentilly by a circular saw. In today's thrilling installment we'll cover rules 3-6 and see that not blinking at a man could drive him away, paying even half for a date is aborhous and hanging up on a man makes him want you more. Be sure to join us......

Whoa..ok ok ok I think this book is getting to my head. Now I'm starting to talk in Soap Opera voice-over. I better do these before I get any worse.....

Rule #3: Don't stare at men or talk to much

What?!?! Staring at men will drive them away? Surely you're wrong! I thought looking wide-eyed and emptied just made them want you more! But I wanna have a staring contest with the future man that's gonna propose to me after our first date. And by the way is it breaking the rules if you are playing the staring game.... cause technically the whole point. The internal struggle!

Although how can you lose with this little word of advice:

"On the first date, (Ok...remember first date. Not after dating for years oh no...the very first date) avoid staring romantically into his eyes (As opposed to staring romantically to any other part of his face...I like the earlobe, so can I stare romantically at the earlobe?). Otherwise, he will know that you're planning the honeymoon."

Remeber what I said? This is the very first date. Why are you planning the honeymoon on the first date?!? Granted I knew I loved my fiance after our first date but (and no offense honey) it took more than one date before I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. How solid is a marriage based on one date?

This is the best though...they even tell you what to do so that you don't stare at him... "Instead, look down at the table or at your food, or simply survey the crowd at the restaurant. It's best to seem generally interesting in life, in orthers, in your surrounding, in the paintings on the walls, as opposed to this live prey."

There are SO many problems with this sentance. Ok...so I'm supposed to completely ignore my date? I'm supposed to look at everything around my date except my date. If I were any guy and my date did that i would think that there was something wrong with me. Or that I was boring. Or that my date was checking out someone else. But then again when you're always looking around for live "Prey", you probably are checking out someone else. Who calls a man prey unless it's being used with "child molesting". That's so condiscending and derogatory. But then again he is technically prey in this mindset cause you are only after one thing...a wedding ring. It's still wrong though.

Oh and don't talk on a date. "Remember, men fall in love with your essence, not with anything in particular you say." BAM! sorry couldn't help it. But he is falling in love with your essence. BAM! dammit there I go again. Sorry. Because what you say isn't important. Because we are dumb. Because men should do all the talking. Wow.....that's a fun date....I can picture it now....

::Wayne's world flashback noises and hand motions::

John: So Jane, what do you do for a living?

Jane: ::looking down at her food:: (Janes thoughts: "and then we'll have two kids and a 4 bedroom 2 story house and I will show off my 10 carat engament ring because I was able to snag a husband and all the other girls are spinsters)

John: Uh, do you like to read?

Jane: ::Checking out the other patrons at the restaurant:: (Jane's thoughts: "and my dress is gonna be white with diamonds on them cause it's my day and no one and I mean no one is going to ruin it becuase I'm a princess and we're gonna get married in a big church and daddy will pay for it because I'm his little girl and I deserve it)

Actually...I'm getting pains from writing this so I'm gonna stop and move on to Rule #4, but you get the point.

Rule #4 : Don't meet him halfway or go dutch on a date.

A) It's not nice to castrate the Dutch like that from a menu. I mean what if she's Dutch or he's dutch and they like Dutch. Then can't they just go Dutch? And can I use the word "Dutch" in the sentance one more time?

B) Meet him halfway? Isn't it easier to just sit across from each other at the table. There'd be no yelling across the restaurant in that case.

But seriously, there are parts of this rule that make sense. Not what's explicitly written but if after the dinner the man looks at you and goes "can you spot the check" that's not really fair either. And a red flag that this is not going to good. If something happens accidentally that's different. Plus anyway. Why should the guy spend all of his hard-earned money on you? Isn't the date for the both of you? Are you the only one who's eating?

Do you know why this is? It's because "The Rule is that men are supposed to rearrange their schedules around you, pursue you, take cabs and trains to see you." Because you're much more important than him. Honestly...who the hell do you think you are?? You selfish, self-absorbed bitch.

Although the rules does tell you what to do if you're not completely self-absobed and think of him once in a while: "But if part of you feels uncomfortable about him paying for everything, offer to leave the tip, ( It doesn't say pay the tip, mind you, just offer) or if the night is a long one - say, dinner, a show and three cab rides or parking - pay for something small along the way. But don't pay for anything on the first three dates. Later on you can recipricate in your own way: cook him dinner at your place or buy him a baseball cap." Yeah cause a 20 dollar baseball cap is really gonna make up for the freaking 1200$ bucks he spent on you on the three dates to schlop your lazy ass around.

I was gonna do some more rules but I think I'll continue tommorow. lol I don't know if I can sit here for another three hours. lol So stay tuned for the continuing installments of....The ruled...and the ruleless!

I've never been one to follow the rules.......

I found something absolutely horrendous on the book shelf yesterday. I had always heard of this book but I didn't really think that it existed. At least not if four million different copies. I always thought it was a book that had existed in a time long ago, when women still weren't sure how to balance their need for love and power. I had thought that this book had gotten shelved under many a bed since then. I had thought (Or at least hoped ) that women weren't this petty or manipulative. I had hoped it was just a sterotype. I was wrong. And this book still does exist, oh god does it exist. It exists in original form, and in hardback and in special edition with diagrams.....yes...diagrams. What is this book you ask? Glad you did ask...it was getting kinda hard to keep writing "this book" all the time. ......I'm talking about the book "the Rules".

That's right...I am now a proud owner of "The Rules". Oh! and "The Rules II: Electric Boogaloo" Becuase in case you're so miserably inept in this surefire way to get a husband, we've contradicted ourselves that The Rules are the only thing you need and made a sequal....with more rules...LOTS more rules.....

Now you're question may this this...why, would a girl who usually wants to shakes girls till their heads fall off buy such Devil's Handiwork? Well..duh...they make me laugh...they make me laugh just like the girls who buy the econo-size wedding planners because it's "her" day and snicker at me when I show them my engagement ring that's more elaborate than their 30 poud rock on a plain band.

The 30% discount at work doesn't hurt either.....

And in a sick way, I've been curious if these books are really just that bad. The answer.....

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...woo sorry let me just wipe this tear from my eye....let me compose myself and try that again. OK..you know what, shit, I can't talk about this book with a straight face. I mean come on they have made fucking RULES for getting a husband. Not loving mind you...nope the whole purpose of this book is to get a man to propose to you by the first date. Simply tagging a husband.

First off, this is a cult that you get brainwashed into....Don't believe me...let me read you some fun passages.....
Here are some fun sentances like:

"Don't expect to get them (The Rules) right the first time or everytime. We didn't. We broke rules, got hurt and then eventually got serious and did the Rules as they are written" (Lena said there will be pain.....)

Oh...or how about this little gem.....

"it's not fun to break The Rules! You could easily end up alone" (anyone else getting a sinister vibe from this one.) I got chills.

and the best one......

"Be friends with only Rules-minded girls. Anyone that it's a rules-girl will only discourage you"

Hmmm...let's see: Threats, Brainwashing, like-mindedness....Yup...sounds like a cult to me.

The more I read it though, the more I relize that their rules seems to be common sense. Just not to this extreme. Yes....it's common sense to not blurt everything about yourself out on a first date..or to know some tact when it comes to what to say. But this is downright manipulation...

There are 35 Rules plus 12 hints. 35! There is so much that one's jaw just drops at that I'm gonna spread this over a bunch of days. There is just THAT much that offends me about this. But I think the worse about this book and mindset...is that women still follow it. I've seen women act like this and they don't realize just how foolish they really are. Paranoid and smacking of desperation (Which, funny enough the book is vehement about not exuding). They just act mean and manipulative.

I've never been one to think of myself as pretty. But for some reason I do pretty damn good. While I didn't date around I still seem to attract men. Just by being myself. Rules? I don't need no stinkin rules! To the rules girls....I'm an abomination. Personally...I just think I follow my own rules.


The Rules....

Rules #1: Be a "Creature unlike any other"

Now this rule kinda sucks you into a false sense of security. It sounds normal enough....it LOOKS normal enough. It's about being confident....that's cool. I like that. Be confident in your own skin. But is that how you're really supposed to feel? Hell no according to the Rules! Which is like "According to Jim" but not as bad. You're only supposed to pretend you feel that way. Phsaw...forget really feeling that way. If you really felt that way you would need "The Rules" They don't want you to really feel that way. Just pretend.

Rule #2: Don't talk to a man First (And don't ask him to Dance)

Ok this rule is just stupid. LOL But I guess when you're money hungry and just want a man for husbandry you want to be aloof so he'll come after you. I know I'll repeat this is the days to come but if I were a guy and some girl that I really liked feigned like she didn't care, I think I would get bored and lose interest. Or think she really wasn't that into me and I'd go find someone else. But I liike how in this rule they start about the first of many bringing down women who scoff at this book: "Some of the smartest women think that they are toop educated or talented to be passive, play games or do The Rules (Play games?? Can we play Clue? I like Clue. Rule women don't play games....they just act like a bitch...oh wait...I don't think they're acting...oh well). They feel their diplomas and paychecks entitle tem to more in life than waiting for the phone to ring."

Everyone is entitled to more to life than waiting for the phone to ring....and wait...isn't this just after the book has told me that I'm supposed to play hard to get and stay busy? I need to lie down I'm confused...oh no wait...I'm only supposed to pretend to be busy so he doesn't know I've really just been sitting next tot he phone about to slit my wrists if he doesn't call because I've already planned out what our wedding will look like...my mistake..

But here's the best part...." These women, we assure you, alwaysend up heartbroken when they are rebuffed"

Really? Is this like a 100% guarentee that you're giving me? No? But you're assuring me this. Oh...you're just telling me this to make me feel better and lead me into a false sense of security? Big shock.

Although the best part of this book is that they always give example of girls who defied the rules, breaking them and the hedious consequences they're recieved because of it. Instilling fear is it not? Defy the rules and terrible things may happen to you. It's like the calico colored guinae pig who will eat your kidney if you don't watch Midnight Spank on G4. Just not as cuddly....

this is just the first two rules...and these are NORMAL compared to the rest.....So stay tuned I'll get through them all.....