Wedding recap

Wedding recap
So my brother got married yesterday. Fun stuff I know. It was fun though....or at least the end product was when it was all said and done. lol Where to start ...where to start...

I guess we should start at the begining..I've heard it's a very good place to start. I love my brother but the church and reception were in center city philly which is just the epitome of easy parking and heavenly driving. Fine...we borrowed a GPS system to make it easier. Which promptly went haywire once we arrived in Philly. lol It was like "Go straight on 15th to Latimier" and then out of nowhere it would say "Turn left" and then go back to saying "Go straight on 15th to Latimier" We got there pretty easily though so we parked our car in a parking garage and took a cab to the church. That was the easy part. Actually no...the wedding was pretty easy too. It was gorgeous to say the least. the church was beautiful, the friar was awesome (Nice guy...loved to talk...obsessed with italians. lol) and the ceremony went smoothly. I realized that it wasn't until we got out of the church that things started going wrong..well not wrong..things just started getting funny.

We were taking a cab back to the reception hall and I got ass-raped by a pen in the cab. No....really. I sat down and there was a pen sticking straight up stuck between the seats. Aren't i just the lucky one to sit right on top of it? I'm telling you...I get all the luck. Although luckily it didn't do any damage to the dress since the dress was black lace but it did leave a nice scratch on my bum. So other than having to walk funny all night I don't think I'm in much harm. lol Just a lot of pain. lol

Also i've decided that if I had a penny for everytime someone said "Oh...so you're next" to me last night...I'd be a bagillionare. lol I don't understand why at a wedding, everyone feels the need to badger someone else. lol Did I have a big bullseye on me that said "Oh please please...target me! Please grab me and go on and on about how I have to be next and I better do it soon." sheesh.

Can I ask someone something. Maybe i'm wierd or retarted or what...but since when does a wedding translate too "Let me find the sluttiest dress and pair that with the sluttiest makeup I can find. Not only that but let me cake on said makeup and get a fake tan so that I look orange...yeah.....that'll be awesome!" I lost track of the amount of (in Heidi's words) Hoochie dresses I saw. And why do women feel the need to cake on makeup. I thought greasepaint was outlawed. And do we really need a dress so short that your underwear is showing...not to mention a top so low cut that whatever little boobs you have are at the mercy of you bending over and popping out? Keep in mind that this was coupled with thinck brooklyn accents by IAP's (Italian American Princesses, I swear one woman didn't just have a Louis Vitton bag...she had a Satchel ...it was the freaking goomba convention in town...I love when Italians come out of the woodwork)

My god this is a long blog...and i haven't even gotten to the good parts yet. lol


Ok...so onto the good parts.....my own family...yeah until then I wasn't even talking about my side of the family.....With my side of the family I have decided to employ what I like the call the one answer and ignore technique.. Now this may sound mean but my cousin is a hawk. She doesn't have conversations with you...so interrogates you. This is how she usually talks to me.. right at me and as condiscending as possible....such great conversation pieces that she says EVERYTIME she talks to me include these little gems...

"How's school"
"How many classes?"
"Have you set a date yet?"
"What are you gonna do with your degree?"
"How far are you from Rider?"
"Did you know i'm going there."
"What do you plan to do with your degree?"
"when are you finishing school?"


and so many more....

(Did I mention that this women is NOT my cousin by blood?)

So this year I decided that I would just answer her and continue with the conversation I was having before she interupted me. It worked for the most part. She tried her damndest but she didn't get very far. She tried a lot actually. When Steve (My bro) and Tara ( his fiance/now wife. lol) sat down at their table they had a little table all to themselves so quickly my cousin turns around and goes (all in one breath mind you) "Are you gonna have that at your wedding? Do you like that? What are you gonna have at your wedding? Is that what your cake is gonna look like?" My response....."I don't know" and turned to Dan and kept right on talking to him. Did that detour her...no.....she jumps right in an goes

"Wow....I can't believe that you guys find so much to talk about. It's amazing that you guys have been dating for so long and can still talk to each other...you guys must have soooooooooo much in common"

Yup...that's exactly what she said. I'm sorry if I don't have a loveless marriage like you do where you and your husband just live with vile hatred for each other and all you do is yell at him. And I'm sorry if me and Dan actually find things interesting about each other and we enjoy each others company. There must be something wrong with us.

Although nothing beats what she said when the dances happened. The groom and bride traditionally dance with their respective parents and this was no different. Tara danced with her dad to "Wonderful Tonight" and Steve danced with his mom to "Forever young". Then Tara dedicated Barbara Streisnds "Evergreen" , which was her parents wedding song, to her parents and they danced together. I thought that was so sweet. What does my cousin do..she leans over to my mom and goes (Out of the blue mind you) "I don't know what's more shocking...Steve's dance with his mom or Tara's parents dancing together to their wedding song." My mom....god bless her...leans over to me and goes "What the HELL did that mean?" I'm stumpted,as is everyone else at the table. Heaven help her at my wedding. lol We didn't stay too much longer after that and we headed home. on the we back to the parking garage to pick up our car we passed a drug transaction...nice isn't it? At least they were cuddly drug dealers who asked us how the wedding was. The when we got to the garage we gave the guy our ticket and waited for the car. With a few other girls...DRUNK other girls...who seemed to know the garage guys WAY to well. oh...and a couple in their early 50's who just came from a swingers club. I kid you not. I love philly.

So all in all a pretty good wedding....to say the least. lol I don't wanna do it again for a very long time.