Look at it...love it....puke all over it...

Yes....you see it right... I came across this gem in a cookbook I aquired a week ago. I don't think that i have ever actually seen something that made me regurgitate in my mouth...that I'm actually not eating.

Yes this picture may seem innocently disgusting enough, I mean it's like an explotion of the contents found in someone's stomach. It's the actual descriptions that truly make this horror in Technicolor.

Let me start with the description found behind the picture on the next page, which by the way gets the recipie ttle wrong. The actual recipe is "Scampi Salad in Melon" but teh description of the recipe retitles it Crab Meat saladin Melon. Keep in mind that there is NO crb meat found in here although as you will see there is a disgusting little surprise. Something that REALLY doesn't beloing. At all. No really. ok ok..here' is a description...

"Select the prettiest melons you can find, for this dish is to be the crown jewel of you cold buffet (If this was the corwn jewel I'd hate to see Queen Elizabeth wearing this at the next royal party). It is best the choose honeydew melons or cantaloupe (Reguardless of the fact that they used a watermelon), with their golden colored flesh. But you can also use a watermelon (Dammit now that you've already told me it's best to use honeydew!), whose bright red flesh has a neutral flavour and goes well with all marinades and types of mayonaise dressing (Yes cause I always think of mixing melons of any kind with mayo). For the stuffing, take tinned fruits cut into large cubes, scampi, shrimp or lobster meat (but no crab meat mind you considering this is called a CRAB meat salad in melon), mushrooms, candied sliced walnuts and red cherries for a touch of colour (That will wonderfully match the vomit on the walls after you smell this stuff). Stripes of scaled green and red pepper and of sweet gherkin are also fine additions (Essentially....throw shit on top of this thing, no one will know the difference) If the stuffed melon is to be used as dessert, leave out all the salty and fish ingrediants (isn't that everything but the peppers? Ewww); mix the others with maraschino liquer (this way your guests will be so drunk they wont know what the hell they're eating), as with other fruit salads, and serve with orange cream (Which goes PERFECT with melon).

If you've still got the brass balls to make this you can turn to page 412 (Which is like NO WHERE near the picture) and get the recipe for this delectible dish. After about it takes you an hour to realize where exactly the recipe is on the page considering there is "Scampi Salad in Melon" and "Crab Meat Cocktail" both on the page. LOL Methinks the editor wasn't paying attention that day....or he actually had eaten this after taking the picture as was close to dying. I vote the latter. So you get a comfy chair and settle in and start reading the ingrediants in this. Let me list them for you and tell me when you get to something that's WRONG.

1 or 2 honeydew melons
1 cup pineapple bits
2 peeled, sliced apples
1 peeled, cubed orange (How do you cube an orange?)
1 peeled, sliced lemon
1 cup scampi
1 green pepper
1/2 cup mushroom heads
1/2 cup maraschino cherries
1 cup sugar
1 tbsp water
juice of 1 lemon
juice of 1 ornage
2 tbsp of marachino liqueur
1 tbsp ginger juice (Now...you may think it's this but it is not...although this is pretty damn wierd)
1 tbsp crushed peppermint leaves
1/2 cup candied black walnuts
ok...wait for it.......
ready.......
1 cup ox tongue

ok...now I beg of you....look at this picture...study it...love it...ok well maybe don't love (Mostly because it looked like someone loved all over it already) it but you get the idea....

I see no ox tongue...or anything that remotely LOOKS like ox tongue...and this frightens me becuase I also cannot find any mention of ox tongue anywhere in the recipe......

Personally i think they wanted to see some overly valium-ed housewife put a whole ox-tongue in this melon. Preferably sticking straight up. Some sort of sick twisted joke that no one ever caught.

And people wonder why I love the 50's