Like.......that's hot

It's funny... I always knew deep down inside that to get what you wanted in life you had to be attractive. I guess I had just always hoped that people weren't as shallow as that. I'm starting to learn that I give too many people credit.

Life is lived the easy way if you're pretty to look at.

If you don't believe me just listen to any of the conversations that take place within the music department. I never minded being in a men's club there. Hell I'm one of the only girls that actually work in music. Jeff must have had enough faith in me to hold my own. But the more I work with men the more I come to realize that a girl who is smart and has a personality are fucked. Or not fucked as the case may be. Some people in the store get special tretment and whatever they want just because most of the men think they're hot. Not to mention that I've been repeatedly told that they don't like women who are smarter than them.

ok...so let me get this straight.....smart women....oops nope sorry cause having intelligent conversations are a no-no. Give me a dumb ditzy girl...casue they're just cute. And if your pretty holy shit the pathway is open to you my friends.

So people are just as shallow as I always thought them to be, I was just naive enough to hope for better than that. Should I let it bother me? Not really but deep down inside it does bother me quite a bit.

I'm not an idiot....I know that i'm not exactly attractive or nice to look at. At least not by traditional standards. I've never gotten special attention or praise for my looks, usually the opposide is the case. Things have never come easily to me. I don't get spcial attention just because some guy thought I was pretty. Does that make me vain? Perhaps, but sometimes it's nice to feel like you're found attractive by more than just one person. Maybe that makes me super vain.

Maybe I ask for too much.

It's funny. I was looking back on the people that I looked up to as a kid and I realized something. Madeline Khan, Gilda Radner and Vincent Price were self-depricating and I follow this path. I think it's becuase it's like something Gilda said. You make fun of yourself before others have a chance to make fun of you. It can't hurt you if you say it about yourself first....

Or maybe it hurts you more....